Few protective parents have any idea what awaits them if they pursue their naïve ideological position of an expectation of society’s support for safety  – the ‘systems’, the exorbitant costs; the derision, the punishment, the accusations, the lack of real concern for them and their children.

These people I call ‘protective parents’ are the parents at risk – the ones Family Report Writers might call ‘obsessive’ rather than committed,  alienating rather than protective. They are the safe parent who tells the truth and is genuinely afraid for their child’s wellbeing and safety, and yet are regarded as manipulative and malicious. The child, who speaks of violence or abuse, is assessed as having been ‘manipulated and taught to ‘ lie’ by the ‘alienating’ parent. Such parents are labelled as difficult or paranoid because they can’t in any conscience let their child be harmed again.  

At VOCAL, female protective parents in this position outweigh male protective parents a hundred fold. I think that probably reflects the way things are in society. In terms of female to male violence in relationships, there are very few men who come to us with broken bones and faces, (but were nevertheless subject to control and manipulation by women) but the stream of seriously damaged women and children never ceases.

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