It is important to recognise how the cycle of abuse traps women. It is not uncommon for an abused woman to stay in or return to an abusive relationship. Women try many different strategies to stop or cope with the abuse (Stark, 1994) and to attempt to protect themselves and their children. The strategies utilised depend on the woman’s circumstances and options. Often, women attempt to escape – sometimes repeatedly (Saskatchewan Institute on Prevention of Handicaps, 1997).

Clearly, there are many structural barriers – finances, lack of affordable housing, etc. – that keep women from leaving abusive situations. These problems may be compounded during and after pregnancy when women are increasingly vulnerable and this can be a further barrier to leaving.
 
A woman may not leave an abusive situation because she fears being killed. This fear should be taken seriously. When an abuser threatens to kill, she knows she is safer not leaving the relationship at this point. In fact, for abused women, separation is a high-risk period for death.

Despite all the ways in which a woman can be trapped by abuse, the fact that she remains in, or returns to, an abusive relationship does not mean she accepts being abused. Rather, it is indicative of the stage of the abusive relationship she is currently experiencing.

Although not an exhaustive list, some of the common reasons why a woman may stay in an abusive relationship are that she:

• fears not being believed
• hopes the relationship will improve because the abuser is often remorseful
• feels she has created the problem and that she is the one who should change her behaviour
• is isolated from any system by her abusive partner
• is unable to escape her abuser’s control (including control of her finances) and does not have another source of income
• lacks educational qualifications and/or employment skills
• has nowhere to go with her children
• fears being stalked or killed by her abusive partner
• fears he may kill himself if she leaves
• has grown up watching her mother being abused or was abused herself and thinks it is normal
• is pressured by family or community members to stay with the abuser
• believes that religious faith and doctrine (e.g. prescriptions against divorce) prevent her from leaving
• does not want to deny her children their father
• is fatigued or depressed from the constant high stress
• has lowered self-esteem and feels powerless and lacking in control over her life
• fear no one else would love her
• not want to change the lifestyle to which her children are accustomed
• be worried that her children will be taken away by child welfare authorities if she seeks help
• fear her partner will gain custody of the children

A woman who is a recent immigrant may have additional factors to overcome, including:

• fear of authority and deportation (for herself or her family) if she leaves her partner and/or her sponsorship relationship breaks down
• intense family and community pressure to endure the abuse
• marginalisation from support systems available in her community
• lack of economic means to support her family and self
• language barrier restricting access to support services

Disabled women also have additional factors to overcome including:

• additional dependence on their abusers for care (including affection, communication and financial, physical and medical support)
• lack of access to transportation
• lack of access to information, services and support systems in the community