It’s Grand Final Day in the footie comp. The family have been invited to the neighbourhood bar-b-que to watch the game on the neighbour’s big screen TV.  There’s sunshine, good natured competition, food, and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. The kids have a ball and eat too much junk food.

Half the blokes go for each team. There’s heaps of ‘having a go’ at each other.   The women wander around, chatting, doing the food, minding the kids, having a drink. The game’s on, the alcohol continues. 

One team loses.  Fred is a poor loser. He reckons they were robbed and as he gets teased, he starts to seethe. He snarls at his missus under his breath – ‘Get those damn kids into the car.’ ‘I’ll drive if you like’, whisper’s his wife so no one can hear. ‘Are you trying to humiliate me – make me look like I’m under your thumb’ he hisses. ‘I’ll damn well drive my own car thank-you oh so very much.’ He knows he’s well over the limit, but pride has to be saved here. He takes off in a roar, the tires skidding, flying out onto the road without looking. He’s angry. People die in cars driven by angry people. He knows she and the kids will be terrified of the way he is driving. A control mechanism.

‘How dare you embarrass me!’ he says. ‘You wait til we get home. You can start by explaining just why you always have to make a spectacle of yourself – I saw you chatting up Johnno.’

She says, ‘Oh Fred, I did not. I was just being friendly to everyone. And I didn’t kiss any of the other blokes like you were kissing and chatting up all the other women!’

‘Are you accusing me of something’ he says, ‘they’re all your stuck-up friends – I don’t like any of ‘em and I won’t tolerate you acting like a tramp with my mates. That’s the point here – not what I do. Now get all this crap out of the car and get those kids to bed, and we’ll finish this later. I’m having a beer to calm me down. And I’m bloody starving – crap food your posh mates had. Get me something now!’

Would you have identified this as domestic violence?

What would you do?

Would you have intervened or ignored it? 

Would you check to see if they were all right or would you stay out of ‘family matters?’