The terms Family Violence and Domestic Violence are used interchangeably to refer to a complex intermix of harmful, violent, aggressive, and abusive behaviours within a relationship. Abusive relationships are where one person deliberately uses threats, violence, power or intimidation to manipulate and control the other person/s.

Domestic violence can occur in a range of relationships including:

• People in an intimate relationship (including partners who are married or de-facto or otherwise emotionally connected, and same sex relationships)
• Ex partners
• Young people dating
• Family members (including violence to children, and children’s violence towards parents or siblings or other family members)

VOCAL are well aware of the gendered nature of violence against women and children, and the history and currency of patriarchy. Despite this it is important to understand that domestic violence affects men, women, and children across the globe; all religions and socioeconomic levels. It is not just a problem of the poor, uneducated, or those who abuse alcohol or other drugs. Research shows that at least one in every four Australian women has been the victim of violence at the hands of a partner. It is estimated that over 60% never report the violence to the authorities.

The term domestic violence describes a range of behaviours and not just physical violence. Physical violence is widely recognised as domestic violence; however other forms of domestic violence are often not recognised. For example, there may not be physical abuse but a range of other abusive behaviours designed to control and intimidate.

Domestic violence includes:

• Physical abuse – punching, pushing, kicking, hitting, hair pulling, pinching, throwing and smashing objects, damaging property, destroying important documents or photos, injuring pets, using and/or threatening to use weapons, kidnapping, murder, inflicting burns and/or other injuries and threatening these actions.
• Sexual abuse – unwanted or forced sexual contact (rape), constant demands for sex, forced performance of humiliating sexual acts, forced to watch pornography or sexual acts, deliberate infliction of pain during sex, threats of physical violence during sex, and contact with sexually transmitted diseases due to partners’ sexual infidelity.
• Emotional/Psychological abuse – humiliation, constant put-downs (often in front of friends or family), making unfavourable comparisons to others, mind games and manipulation, harassment, intimidation, stalking, no input into decision making, excessive jealousy and possessiveness, accusations of being unfaithful or flirtatious, denying or minimising the abuse, blaming the victim for the abuse, threats to destroy possessions, threats of violence against self or other family members, threats to hurt children or pets, or to take the children away if the abuse is reported. 
• Verbal abuse – name-calling and insults, yelling, swearing, lecturing, ranting, sulking, silent treatment, malicious gossip, threatening to disclose secrets or confidences, threatening to ‘out’ a gay person, bullying.
• Social abuse – isolation and limiting contact with others, controlling and restricting access to family and friends, enforced confinement in the home (i.e. locked doors), controlling use of car and/or telephone, not allowing engagement in employment or other interests, not allowing religious or cultural practice, enforcing own religious or cultural practice, continual questioning about whereabouts, and constant checking of phone messages and bills.
• Financial abuse – legal control of all finances and assets, control of the household income, not allowing money for personal use or access to bank accounts, under constant questioning over spent money, insufficient money to buy food and necessities, demanding all receipts be provided, checking and questioning about bank statements, threatening to cut-off access to the home or finances if the abuse is reported. Purchasing luxury items forcing others to be denied basic essentials or their ‘fair share’. Gambling excessively, using other’s money keeping your own, forcing the other to pay for you unfairly.

In domestic violence relationships it is common for physical abuse to co-occur with other forms of emotional or psychological abuse. Victims of domestic violence often say that the emotional abuse is more damaging than the physical abuse.

Domestic violence varies between cases. Abusive behaviours may be exercised occasionally, variably, or consistently. For example, violence might occur every Friday night after too much alcohol, or it might happen occasionally, or it might happen without alcohol.  Some victims report only occasional (every couple of years) violence or flare ups. It is still Domestic Violence. One event is enough to qualify.

Regardless of the frequency, there is always an imbalance of power that reminds the recipient who’s the boss.

Domestic violence is not a about a loss of control, a thoughtless act performed in a rage, or a crime of passion, but an act of absolute control. Domestic violence is a crime of power and control, not passion out of control.