In families where there is violence occurring, families may exhibit high levels of tension, volatile expressions of anger, a lack of appropriate problem solving and a real sense of physical danger for family members (Pressman 1984; Riggs, O’Leary, & Brelin, 1990).

Violence may also occur in apparently highly functioning families where the presentation of a perfect family completely disguises the reality of the violence from others, and the family is caught between two worlds – the external face, and the internal face, which is not necessarily always bad, tense, and violent, and where the sense of danger is denied. 

Ways in which parenting may be effected include:

• preoccupation with parental conflict which obstructs adequate attention being paid to needs of the child
• an environment which is deficient in the positive and nurturing responses which promote healthy development of children
• inability to concentrate, adversely affecting memory
• substance or alcohol abuse
• withdrawal and avoidance
•  over compensation
• abusing their children in an attempt to control their behaviour in order to prevent their partner from becoming annoyed
• denial, unwillingness, or ignorance about the serious impact of the violence on the children

The perpetrator of violence towards the mother may also abuse the children (physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, and/or socially). Children learn to recognise the threat in the way a person drives into the yard, closes a door, raises an eyebrow, breathes, the look on a face, a tone of voice – each is a clear warning of imminent threat.