You can’t tell a child sex offender by what they look like, how they dress, where they work, how good a job they have, or other such obvious characteristics. Perpetrators of child sexual abuse are usually someone who is known and trusted by the family of the child. They may even be in positions of power and authority, have easy access to children, and often have the trust of a child. They can be parents, grandparents, defacto or step-partners, older brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, neighbours, teachers, childcare workers, babysitters or leaders in organizations such as sporting clubs and churches. 

No occupation, financial status or religion is exempt. Research indicates that a person who is sexually violent to their adult partner, is also likely to display this behaviour towards children in the house. Perpetrators of sexual abuse take advantage of their power, authority or position over the child or young person to gratify themselves.

Perpetrators use a range of tactics such as manipulation, threats, bribes, physical or psychological force, deception, and intimidation, to convince children to do what they want and to keep the sexual abuse a secret. The abuser often convinces the child that if they tell anyone about the abuse, something very bad will happen. They also give the child the belief that they have given permission for the abuse to occur, or even initiated it. In this manner, perpetrators shift the blame from themselves and onto the child. Consequently, the child feels as though they are responsible for the abuse and too ashamed or frightened to tell anyone.

Research on perpetrators of child sexual assault indicates that they often use deliberate tactics to select victims and engage them in sexual abuse; for example identifying a vulnerable child. This is described as the grooming process. The progression of abuse or grooming process is a sequence of gradual steps which involve selection of a victim, enmeshment of a victim, and the maintenance of secrecy.

Perpetrators typically plan their sexual abuse and gradually de-sensitise the child and intrude upon their boundaries. For example: A hug, or being friendly can progress to spending a lot of time with the child,  intrude when he or she is bathing, dressing, or going to bed; kissing and hugging excessively; ‘accidental’ sexual touching, or sexual touching as a game; and talking about sex and sexual jokes, girlie magazines to pornography. This behaviour tends to progress to become increasingly intimate.

There is almost always some sort of inducement ‘not to tell’. Often the indication that something really bad will happen to them or someone else is used to enmesh the victim into the conspiracy of silence that protects the offender. It also serves to make the victim feel compliant / responsible in some way.

Guilt – which reinforces the ‘don’t tell’ message - is even more anchored if the child has feelings of excitement or pleasure, or believes that they in some small way cooperated to get the offered reward.

Part of the excitement for sex offenders is the risk of getting caught, the power of swaying a child from the influence of loving parent/s. It seems that some heterosexual men are more than happy to have a sexual or caring relationship with a woman to access her children.

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