We want to protect children from sexual abuse, but we can not always be there to ensure that it does not happen. We can, however, teach children about healthy boundaries and safe touch in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children, we can provide them with appropriate safety information and support relevant to their development at every stage of their development.

However, be aware that placing any responsibility for self-protection on the child can be an overwhelming burden. Therefore, teach children protective behaviours and strategies in the same routine and matter-of-fact manner in which we teach about other safety issues such as road safety and not playing with matches etc.

Teaching children protective strategies will not ensure that they will be able to avoid sexual abuse, but children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has occurred. Teaching children how and when to say no is an important aspect of child protection. Children are socialised from an early age to unconditionally respect and obey adults. Therefore it is important to assist children to develop the courage and power to say “no” to inappropriate requests from others.

Suggestions:

• Teach children about touch and boundaries. Children need to know how to identify when and how people can touch them, and when and how they can touch others.
• Teach children to listen to and acknowledge their feelings. Children have a keen natural sense when something is amiss. They must learn to trust all their feelings, whether good, bad or confusing.
• Build children’s self-esteem by developing their decision making skills.
• Teach children the correct names to use for body parts.
• Develop a list of support people.
• Explain the “buddy system” to children. Emphasise that there is safety in numbers and they should avoid going to deserted places such as public toilets on their own.
• Teach children not to approach cars, or to be tricked by people in cars asking them for directions (young or old, male or female). Discuss possible deceitful strategies that a person may use to get them into the car; e.g. “your mummy sent me to pick you up because she hurt herself.”
• Explain “secrets” and that they can be unsafe; they should not be kept if they could hurt someone; older people should never ask a child to keep a secret from their parents. Differentiate between surprises (which are disclosed sooner or later; e.g. birthday presents), and secrets (which are never supposed to be disclosed).
• Emphasise to your children that they can talk to you about anything but make sure you listen when they do.
• Encourage school-age children to be responsible for their own washing, dressing, and toileting.
• As a parent, be suspicious if an adult seems to be more interested in spending time with your child than with you.
• Exercise your right to be informed. As a parent, you are entitled to be informed if there is a convicted sex offender living nearby.
• Teach children to leave an uncomfortable situation. Children need to feel safe and they should be taught to remove themselves as quickly as possible from any person who makes them feel uncomfortable or threatened.

For further guidance on helping children to make smart choices and stay safe, VOCAL recommends the book ‘Smart Parenting for Safer Kids’ by Professor Freda Briggs.

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